My boyfriend and I have been together one and a half years and living together for about 9 months now. We have a great relationship, we’re both happy, or at least I was happy, but things are changing. After all this time, my boyfriend isn’t sure about me, even though I love him very much and have given him no reason to doubt me.
I understand not being ready (to get married), but why would you stay with someone you don’t see yourself marrying someday. We have talked about this and his solution is: I leave him or I wait until someday (which may never come), just so he can be sure (being sure does not include a ring).
Now, you have to understand that being not ready, doesn’t bother me, but after a year and a half and you’re not sure, that’s not okay with me. I have read, researched, and ambushed my friends, family, and co-workers about this (I ask them, "How long were you with your wife/husband, before you knew she/he was the one). The reply is always the same, (except my parents who both gave the same answer, "About a month") "With in the first year." Of course, they weren’t ready for marriage (or at least a couple weren’t) but they were sure.
Here is some background information, about how I got into this situation: I was unhappy and my parents were moving to Montana, so I came too. I met my current boyfriend here and decided to stay. We are staying here for his career (he doesn’t want to have to start over), until he gets a little more experience (another year and a half). I am from California and my career was going well enough, that my earning potential was hitting near ,000. Unfortunately, there are no jobs in my field here, so I had to take a pay cut, about ,000 a year. The worst part is, I don’t want to live here, there is little culture or mix of food choices (I’m used to San Francisco).
Now, I work a job I don’t really like. I live about an hour away from my job and during the season, my hours go from 80 hours every two weeks, to about 130 hours every two weeks (I work every day and my days off are one at a time, few and far between). I have been trying to get telecommuting work (freelance), so I can have a nice normal job, Monday through Friday, 9 to 5, and I wouldn’t have to drive to work. Before it was no problem (getting freelance work), my resume spoke for itself, and I always got calls for the jobs I applied for. But now everything has changed! I have been out of my field for almost two years now and I can’t even get an unpaid internship, believe me I have tried.
That’s not all though, I’m even spending more money by living with him. My employer has employee housing, which I moved out of, to move in with him. It only costs about 0 a month, which includes internet, cable, and utilities. I now pay for half of rent, food, and utilities (we don’t have cable or internet) which is about 0 a month. I also fill up my gas tank every three days, which is about a week or 0 a month. When I lived at work, I never had to fill up my gas take. So, by living with him, I am spending 0 a month. I also get 50% off food, at work, so my food bill has gone up too.
I have about ,000 in school debt, which I am trying to pay off, ,000 down and counting, so by not living with him, I could be paying off my debt a lot faster.
But, my biggest problem is, that I love my boyfriend or this would be an easy decision. We love each other, our relationship is great, and we really communicate well… not to mention he is the only guy I have been with… who I click with intellectually, emotionally, and ***SEXUALLY***
I am 26, so I only have 4 years left before I turn 30 (I hear your 20’s are your best years to date and find a quality mate) and nine years to have healthy babies, without a huge risk (I’d like to have between 2 and 4 kids).
My career is going down the tubes, so my boyfriend’s career can flourish, I work way more than I ever expected, at a job I don’t like, I dislike where I live (which makes me unhappy), and I am sacrificing so much (he isn’t sacrificing anything, but personal space and alone time. He also spends less money with me living with him) all for a man who is unsure.
I know that this will be a personal choice, but I really need your advice.
Mail this post
Technorati Tags: 9 months, background information, co workers, current boyfriend, earning potential, food choices, friends family, great relationship, half years, job, jobs, marriage, moving to montana, parents, ready for marriage, reply, san francisco, wife husband